argument paper

My argument paper will be written about why steroids should be legal, in sports, and recreationally, to adults.

template B

Various criteria’s of this car will be reviewed by my audience. One of those being the performance of the car. The performance of this car is one of the biggest reasons people are willing to spend so much money for this brand of car. When it comes to BMW they handle the best on the road, and that’s what they are known for. In my review I will rate the cars performance in handling, speed, and power. I will also go over the cars interior and exterior visual appeals. The car is very large and very luxurious. I will review its appeal inside and out, things like the seats, dash setup, and the body of the car. Another important aspect is the amenities of the car your paying so much for, so that will also be examined. Things like GPS navigation, Bluetooth, air conditioned seats, radio, and automated features. The last thing I will go over will be the safety of the car. BMW’s are known to be very safe, solid built cars. They are built with heavy frames and impact bars in the doors, and of course many airbags. They are always rated well by safety experts, which is an appeal to anyone, especially people with families. Lastly I will go over a few things about the car that I did not feel were as well as they could be. Then after reviewing the car I will compare it pricewise to a close competitors car.

review audience

My review will be written on the luxurious 2007 BMW 750Li sedan. This review will appeal mostly to older people, generally men, who are looking for a powerful, European, luxury car that drives like no other. The BMW 7 series is a very large car, with plenty of space to comfortably fit up to five people. There is also a very spacious trunk that can easily carry anything from golf clubs to groceries. This car is very pricy though and will definitely appeal to people who are willing to spend a lot of money on their new ride. The car is more masculine and also has a very mature look to it rather than a young sporty look like the smaller 3 series. So the prospected audience for this car review would be men aging about 35 years old and above with substantial amounts of money to invest in a vehicle. The people interested will probably value things like luxury interior and exterior. They will also desire a car that performs strong, having power, a smooth ride, and has top of the line handling. This car exemplifies all of those qualities well. They will also be looking for a lot of room since this is the largest sedan made by BMW. So purchasers will probably be businessmen looking to chafer clients, or a dad looking to drive his family. They also may be looking to transport large items or large quantities of things in the trunk. They definitely value a great inside though because that is what this car is all about. Top of the line seating, as well as great speaker, navigation system, and all the nicest amenities including air-conditioned seats and a driver’s seat that massages you. Their social value would be impressing people they drive or impressing people as they arrive, both will be satisfied riding in a car like this. This would be a great businessman car, clients will be impressed, and comfortable riding with you, you cant go wrong. They should know if they were looking to stand out above the average ride on the street, turn heads, and have fun driving like they were 16 again, this would be a great investment. One thing they shouldn’t look for too much in this car is good gas mileage, it’s not terrible but this car does have an eight cylinder engine and will burn though gas quicker than a four or six cylinder car. Another thing that should be desired in a car is safety, which is very well provided in the 7 series. It’s a large car and built very well, equipped with front and side airbags, side impact bars, and warning lights for malfunctions. Overall this is a great all around car and would be loved by any driver, but would most likely be desired by the wealthy older men category.

review topic

I'm currently thinking of writting about the BMW 750Li, the Mitsubishi Evolution 9, or the 2007 Suzuki GSX-R

thesis paragraph

One part of UCF culture I have observed, is the sidewalk-highway system. The sidewalks on our campus are not just sidewalks for walking on, but also for skating, biking, skateboarding, running, scootering, and even driving. Having UCF’s sidewalks function as roads, makes getting around campus a hullabaloo for everyone. Navigating your way to class must be done with caution because at many points along your journey you are certain to have close encounters with bikers, and skateboarders, at the least. There is also a good possibility of someone in a utility vehicle, or golf cart stalking up behind you. Many times you will even find people on scooters or rollerblades squeezing by you on the walkway. This college campus culture has come to annoy me because I don’t like to share the road. I don’t like when people on skateboards and bikes whiz past me at speeds far greater then my own with risk of encountering crowds and crashing into someone. This has been known to happen, especially with skateboarders. I don’t want to be walking down the sidewalk and to have a skateboard come loose under someone for whatever reason and roll right into the back of my ankle. If that happened hard enough that could really make walking tough from then on. Nor would I like to be run over by a bicycle, or knocked down by either one. I’ve seen multiple times where skateboarders have almost hit people; one time a student jumped off his board to avoid hitting another skateboarder and landed in a bike rack. This was quite hysterical of course, but could have hurt someone easily.

Commentary Outline

Part 1-

- In part one I will introduce the trend of skateboarding and bicycling on sidewalks at UCF that I am unhappy with and explain what about the trend upsets me.

Part 2-

- In part two I will give my first hand experiences with this trend and provide examples and visuals as to why this trend is unsatisfactory, annoying, and dangerous. Perspective from a students view.

Part 3-

- In part three I will provide research feedback from another student I have interviewed on the topic and information on the start of this trend and give his opinion.

Part 4-

- In part four I will give examples of the dangers of this trend from friend injuries and possible occurrences like my friend falling off his board and getting scraped up.

Part 5-

- In part five I will explain what I believe campus would be like without this trend, if the sidewalks were for walking only.

+ changes that need to be made to rough draft- include more of the other prospective on the topic; made bolder, more obvious thesis statement; add partner interview as a research source; find when the trend started and use research source; make citations and word cited pgage( in lungsford book); put in MLA format

Commentary Draft

One part of UCF culture I have observed, and become unhappy with, is the sidewalk-highway system. The sidewalks on campus are not just sidewalks for walking, but also for skating, biking, skateboarding, running, scootering, and even driving. Navigating your way to class must be done with caution because at many points along your journey you are certain to have close encounters with bikers, and skateboarders, at the least. There is also a good possibility of someone in a utility vehicle, or golf cart stalking up behind you. Many times you will even find people on scooters or rollerblades squeezing by you on the walkway. This college campus culture has come to annoy me because I don’t like to share the road. I don’t like when people on skateboards and bikes whiz past me at speeds far greater then my own with risk of encountering crowds and crashing into someone. This has been known to happen, especially with skateboarders. I don’t want to be walking down the sidewalk and to have a skateboard come loose under someone for whatever reason and roll right into the back of my ankle. If that happened hard enough that could really make walking tough from then on. Nor would I like to be run over by a bicycle, or knocked down by either one. I’ve seen multiple times where skateboarders have almost hit people; one time a student jumped off his board to avoid hitting another skateboarder and landed in a bike rack. This was quite hysterical of course, but could have hurt someone easily.

This morning I was walking back from my algebra class, and as I crossed down one of the narrow sidewalks, an oncoming bicyclist traveling about 10mph came only inches from my side with his handlebars as he squeezed past me on the small windy sidewalk. This greatly irritated me, because at the slightest sideways movement, I could have been clipped by this bicyclist. I literally had to walk all the way to the side of the sidewalk and lean away from him as he passed me. I do not appreciate this unnecessary effort that I am obligated to partake in just to keep from being ran over. I just want to be able to walk to and from class on the sidewalks, as though it were only a sidewalk and not a road. I wish I could travel the campus without feeling like I was playing the game Frogger, or crossing a road, when I am just walking down the sidewalk. I must always make sure to check behind me when I wish to change my path of travel to make sure I am not going to get run over. Its like driving down the road, I must look over my shoulder before switching lanes, that is why I refer to the sidewalks as a highway.

I have a friend who rides a skateboard to class, and he came home with bruises on his knees and forearm, because he had to jump off his board to avoid hitting a walker on the sidewalk. Now this is not particularly disturbing because the walker was not hit, only the skater was injured. But that’s a risk they take skating to class. So not only are walkers at risk but so are the skaters, since walking students can come out into their path of travel, and they don’t have brakes as do bicyclists. But bicyclists are also dangerous to the walkers even though they have breaks, because they tend to travel at higher speeds. My roommate has a bicycle, it’s a ten speed, and as many of the other students with road bikes, he travels very fast on it. So if anyone on a bike were to hit a walking student, it would be a greater force with more speed hitting them.

So as a result of these dangers, I have come up with a solution. Not a perfect solution, but one that could potentially benefit the campus a small amount, and could possibly prevent some injuries. I propose we designate some “No zones”. These will be zones in which only people walking can travel. The no zones will be any of the thin sidewalks on campus. This should not be a problem or much inconvenience to bikers or skaters because almost all of the sidewalks are about 10 feet in width, but a few are only 3 feet or so. The one I almost got hit by a biker on was one of those narrow 3 foot sidewalks. I believe these narrow sidewalks simply do not supply enough room to have people on skateboards and bicycles mixed in with walkers. So they should be limited to only walkers, and everyone else can use the wide sidewalks for travel. If necessary they can use the bike lane on the side of the road to travel, but anywhere on campus is accessible by large sidewalks because there are so many students, all buildings have large sidewalks to access them by. Therefore this should not cause problems for anyone, it will simply take the most vulnerable place for injury, out of possible places for that to occur. 

Partner Responces

five given questions

1. From walking on campus

2. A campus walker

3. It isnt really other than campus travel

4. Then walking around campus would be easier

5. Because people can get hit going to class

my questions

1. No

2. mostly large walkways

3. at night as well

4. A problem when injuries result

5. by regulating areas to ride and not ride

5 questions for my commentary

1. Is there a significant amount of people actually on skateboards and bicycles?

2. Are they all over campus or just large walkways?

3. Are they out at night too when its harder to see people?

4. Why is this a problem?

5. How can it be fixed?

UCF Culture

One part of UCF culture I have observed, and become unhappy with, is the sidewalk-highway system. The sidewalks on campus are not just sidewalks for walking, but also for skating, biking, skateboarding, running, scootering, and even driving. Navigating your way to class must be done with caution because at many points along your journey you are certain to have close encounters with bikers, and skateboarders, at the least. There is also a good possibility of someone in a utility vehicle, or golf cart stalking up behind you. Also, many times you will find people on scooters or rollerblades squeezing by you on the walkway. This college campus culture has come to annoy me because I don’t like to share the road. I don’t like when people on skateboards and bikes whiz past me at speeds far greater then my own with risk of encountering crowds and crashing into someone. This has been known to happen, especially with skateboarders. I don’t want to be walking down the sidewalk and to have a skateboard come loose under someone for whatever reason and roll right into the back of my ankle. I mean if that happened hard enough that could really make walking anymore tough. Nor would I like to be run over by a bicycle or knocked down by either one. I’ve seen multiple times where skateboarders have almost hit people, one time a student jumped off his board to avoid hitting another skateboarder and landed in a bike rack. This was quite hysterical of course, but could have hurt someone easily.

Brainstorming 3 topics

1. How the sidewalks on campus are actually roads for skateboards and bicycles and must be navigated cautiously.

2. All you have to do to get free shirts or food is vote for people! Yay bribes.

3. Texting while driving, just got hit by one of those guys this week

Final Draft Memoir

The final bell rang and I left to go meet my best friend Keith. Keith and I were in high school together, I was a junior, and everyday we went to the gym together after school. Today we were going to the new gym down the street that just opened, Lifestyles Family Fitness. We both had free week passes at the gym that had a name on the back, Wes. We walked in and gave our passes to the lady at the front desk, she introduced us to a salesman, it was Wes. Wes was a thin, blonde haired, friendly looking guy, probably about 30 years old. He introduced himself to us and took us over to his desk. As we talked to Wes, I could tell that he was very talkative, a good salesman, but he also seemed pretty interested in us to. Maybe this was just him being a good salesman, or maybe he was just a nice guy, it was too early to tell. After Wes talked to us about pricing for the gym, he gave us a tour and showed us all the gym amenities. He talked to us some more, and then we began our workout. After Keith and I finished our workout, we stopped by Wes’s desk on our way out, very exited to sign up in the future for a membership at Lifestyles.

 

The rest of this week, we used our free membership at the gym, and each day, Wes was there. We talked to him everyday as we came in, and it wasn’t just nagging us about signing up, it was just friendly conversation. As our free membership trial came to an end, Keith and I talked to our parents about buying us memberships. My parents wouldn’t buy it for me yet, until my report card came out. They would then buy me a membership as a reward for my good grades. The last day of our free membership, Keith brought his mom in and signed up for a membership. Now that Keith was signed up, Wes wanted to sign me up; he knew we worked out together everyday. I told Wes about my situation with my parents, that I would sign up for sure, but not for about 7 weeks. This is when I discovered how nice a guy Wes really was. He knew me well enough, and could tell by my physique at a young age, how important working out was to me. So in response to my desperate situation, and knowing how much we enjoyed working out together, he set up a plan for me. Wes told his superiors that I had a box at my work, to get people to sign up for membership trials. Since I was promoting for them, I got a free membership for a month, though I was not actually promoting for them, nor did I have a sign up box. Now I could continue to go to the gym with my best friend everyday. After the month was up, he gave me another month for free, and as promised, after the seven weeks, I finally came in with my mom and bought a membership from Wes. For months Keith and I went everyday to Lifestyles and we talked to Wes almost everyday. He always came up to us while we were working out in his free time to say hi. He was very social and was always in a good mood.

 

One day I was hanging out with Keith in his driveway around dinnertime, and his phone started ringing. He answered it and I could hear a woman’s voice come through the phone. I recognized the voice, it was Keith’s mom. I could hear her ask him if we had heard about Wes. This was a random, strange thing to ask, so immediately I was very attentive. “No what happened?” Keith replied. “He was murdered,” I heard her say through the phone. Wow, it was like someone just punched me in the chest. I never had someone I knew die before. At that moment I realized that people I know and see everyday can die, that sounds like an obvious thing since everyone dies, but it never hit me until now. After Keith was off the phone with his mom, he told me Wes had been murdered, but I already heard that. I don’t know if he said it to inform me, or if he could tell I already heard, and just couldn’t help but repeat it out loud, as the fact sunk in. We both stood in silence for a minute, and then discussed it in disbelief. I went home after that, and looked it up online on the news website.

 

I found the case online, as I read up on multiple websites, I learned that Wes, being the nice guy he was, had indeed died out of generosity. There was a man that came to lifestyles looking for a place to stay the night. Wes was kind enough to tell him he could stay the night. The man slept there for 2 nights, and then stabbed Wes 18 times, slit his throat, and covered his body with a comforter. He then stole his car, and ran to Texas. He was soon found in Boerne, Texas in Wes’s stolen car.

 

That is the story of my friend Wes, one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, put his job on the line giving me 2 months of free memberships so I could continue doing what I love and working out with my best friend. He let a man looking for a place to stay, stay with him for a couple days, and then was killed for it.

 

After this had all happened, this experience educated me, and exposed me to a few new things. First off I had never had someone I knew die. This is part of growing up, and part of life. It happens, not usually in such a brutal way but you must learn to get over peoples deaths, and don’t forget them, but be stable and recognize them but learn to live without them. This event also taught me as a younger kid that you can’t trust everyone, not all people are good people. Some people you can trust, but you can’t let your generosity lead you in the wrong path. I also learned that bad things can happen to good people. You have to be careful in life and take care of yourself, because even if you’re a good person, you can’t think that things like this wont happen to you or someone you know. You can’t think that oh that only happens on TV, or that it wont happen to you, because you don’t know, it could happen to anyone.

Memoir - Story about Wes

The final bell rang and I left to go meet my best friend Keith. Keith and I were in high school together, I was a junior, and everyday we went to the gym together after school. Today we were going to the new gym down the street that just opened, Lifestyles Family Fitness. We both had free week passes at the gym that had a name on the back, Wes. We walked in and gave our passes to the lady at the front desk, she introduced us to a salesman, it was Wes. Wes was a thin, blonde haired, friendly looking guy, probably about 30 years old. He introduced himself to us and took us over to his desk. As we talked to Wes, I could tell that he was very talkative, a good salesman, but he also seemed pretty interested in us to. Maybe this was just him being a good salesman, or maybe he was just a nice guy, it was too early to tell. After Wes talked to us about pricing for the gym, he gave us a tour and showed us all the gym amenities. He talked to us some more, and then we began our workout. After Keith and I finished our workout, we stopped by Wes’s desk on our way out, very exited to sign up in the future for a membership at Lifestyles.

 

The rest of this week, we used our free membership at the gym, and each day, Wes was there. We talked to him everyday as we came in, and it wasn’t just nagging us about signing up, it was just friendly conversation. As our free membership trial came to an end, Keith and I talked to our parents about buying us memberships. My parents wouldn’t buy it for me yet, until my report card came out. They would then buy me a membership as a reward for good grades. The last day of our free membership, Keith brought his mom and signed up for a membership. Now that Keith was signed up, Wes wanted to sign me up; he knew we worked out together everyday. I told Wes about my situation with my parents, that I would sign up for sure, but not for about 7 weeks. This is when I discovered how nice a guy Wes really was. He knew me well enough, and could tell by my physique at a young age, how important working out was to me. So in response to my desperate situation, and knowing how much we enjoyed working out together, he set up a plan for me. Wes told his superiors that I had a box at my work, to get people to sign up for membership trials. Since I was promoting for them, I got a free membership for a month, though I was not actually promoting for them, nor did I have a sign up box. Now I could continue to go to the gym with my best friend everyday. After the month was up, he gave me another month for free, and as promised, after the seven weeks, I finally came in with my mom and bought a membership from Wes.

 

For months Keith and I went everyday to Lifestyles and we talked to Wes almost everyday. He always came up to us while we were working out in his free time and say hi. He was very social and was always in a good mood. One day I was hanging out with Keith in his driveway around dinnertime, and his phone started ringing. He answered it and I could hear a woman’s voice come through the phone. I recognized the voice, it was Keith’s mom. I could hear her ask him if we had heard about Wes. This was a random, strange thing to ask, so immediately I was very attentive. “No what happened?”, Keith replied. “He was murdered,” I heard her say through the phone. Wow, it was like someone just punched me in the chest. I never had someone I knew die before. After Keith was off the phone with his mom, he told me Wes had been murdered, but I already heard that. I don’t know if he said it to inform me, or if he could tell I already heard, and just couldn’t help but repeat it out loud, as the fact sunk in. We both stood in silence for a minute, and then discussed it in disbelief. I went home after that, and looked it up online on the news website.

 

I found the case online, as I read up on multiple websites, I learned that Wes, being the nice, generous guy he was, had died out of generosity. There was a man that came to lifestyles looking for a place to stay the night. Wes was kind enough to tell him he could stay the night. The man slept there for 2 nights, and then stabbed Wes 18 times, slit his throat, and covered his body with a comforter. He then stole his car, and ran to Texas. He was soon found in Boerne, Texas in Wes’s stolen car.

 

That is the story of my friend Wes, one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, put his job on the line giving me 2 months of free memberships so I could continue doing what I love and working out with my best friend. He let a man looking for a place to stay, stay with him for a couple days, and then was killed for it.

After this had all happened, this experience educated me, and exposed me to a few new things. First off I had never had someone I knew die. This is part of growing up, and part of life, it happens, not usually in such a brutal way but you must learn to get over peoples deaths, and don’t forget them, but be stable and recognize them but learn to live without them. This event also taught me as a younger kid that you can’t trust everyone, not all people are good people. Some people you can trust, but you cant let your generosity lead you in the wrong path. I also learned that bad things can happen to good people. You have to be careful in life and take care of yourself, because even if you’re a good person, you cant think that things like this wont happen to you or someone you know. You can’t think that oh that only happens on TV, or that it wont happen to you, because you don’t know, it could happen to anyone.

peer review

Ms. Moody,

 

            After peer reviewing our introductions to our memoirs, and receiving feedback from a classmate, I have been able to plan out the rest of my memoir, as well as revising what I have written already. First off my partner for the peer review said that he could not tell what my memoir was going to be about from my introduction, so another paragraph will be added to my introduction to help clarify the direction this story is going. In the next paragraph I will continue to describe the main character, Wes. He is the character the story revolves around, with his death, so his character needs to be built up so his death can be seen as tragic as it is. My partner also said that he could not find dialogue, so I will add some dialogue as the story continues. I will use the moment that Keith’s mom calls us to give us the news of his death and incorporate dialogue into this part of the story. I will have dialogue of him and his mom speaking over the phone in front of me. From the point in which I left off, I plan to describe Wes some more and continue finishing the story I started about Wes. After the character is built up and the understanding of my relationship to him is established, then I will talk about his death and give that story. After I have finished all the story’s and talk about Wes, I will then go into detail on how this has effected myself. My peer review partner also liked my use of exposition so I will continue to use that, and leave the exposition I currently have in my writing. He also said I use good visuals and am descriptive so I will also continue to be descriptive.

 

 

                        -Taylor Nielsen

Brainstorming my introduction

The final bell rang and I left to go meet my best friend Keith. Keith and I were in high school together, I was a junior, and everyday we went to the gym together after school. Today we were going to the new gym down the street that just opened, Lifestyles Family Fitness. We both had free week passes at the gym that had a name on the back, Wes. We walked in and gave our passes to the lady at the front desk, she introduced us to a salesman, it was Wes. Wes was a thin, blonde haired, friendly looking guy, probably about 30 years old. He introduced himself to us and took us over to his desk. As we talked to Wes, I could tell that he was very talkative, a good salesman, but he also seemed pretty interested in us to. Maybe this was just him being a good salesman, or maybe he was just a nice guy, it was too early to tell.

 

 

 

I’m using this opening to show how I met Wes and give my first impressions of him. I will continue to show the reader his personality as I continue.

Invention Process

2) Brainstorm 3 ideas-

1. My friend Wes's death
   
2. Classmate Daniel dying
   
3. Friend getting pregnant at 16

3) What is it about?

1. A friend of mine being murdered. He let someone he just met stay the night at his house since he didnt have a place to stay, and the man killed him and took his car.
2. A classmate of mine dying after mixing narcotic drugs with a lot of alcohol at a party at his house. The next morning he was found by his friends dead in his bed.
3. My friend Chelsey getting pregnant at the age of 16 by her boyfriend and now they are going to have to raise a child while she is in highschool and her boyfriend is in college.

4) So what?

1. Sad story of the nicest person I ever met getting stabbed to death after an act of kindness towards a stranger. This man was extremely generous and friendly and always wanted to help others including me, it was very sad to see him be killed after helping this man as he would do for anyone.
2. Classmate showing the dangers of drugs and alcohol and leaving behind many friends grieving over his death. He was a good friend and most everyone loved him it was hard for everyone to see him go.
3. Friend of mine showing the risks of sex, getting pregnant at a young age will change your life. Now she and her boyfriend, both in school have a child to raise. She's lucky she has family to help.